Friends...

I am not a group person...I can barely manage to interact in a group...I rather like to sit quitely and observe people...Its always a stretch for me to be extremely social...

But friends...thats completely different...I love my friends and believe in them...I always think they deserve the best and they are the best...and there are times when what they say\don't say hurts me a lot...but still for me thats always temporary...i always go back to being with them because I love them...but off late I have noticed thats its just me running after these relationships...it doesnt matter to them if I am a part of their lives or not...

So I have decided....to stop running...no matter how much it hurts...at the end of the day its "Free Will"...

Hadsaa tha guzar gaya hoga...tum kiske jaane ki baat karte ho...

Not that i want to write a sad depressing post but that being the state of mind currently i cant help but write about that...i have always treated my friends with utmost respect and with me its always all or nohing...and yet time and again i see myself loosing out...so someone will say learn from it...and its not for lack of trying...but this seems to be such a fundamental part of my being that even if i try i cant seem to be able to do it...and so here i am again reading this mail and feeling miserable...

I am so sorry. I am the worst guy ever. I don't deserve such a caring person like you. Somehow I thought our tempers were the concern, but I guess my stupidity was.

Apologies. Wish you the best. You deserve the best.

the thing that hurts the most is that this person has been mu closest friend for years now or atleast i thought so...someone who has seen all the ups and downs...who knows what i live through...has seen me struggle...and still it was just a mail for him...

some words are so easy to say...and still i can never say them...bad state of affairs right now...nothing seems to be helping...

Catch 22...

There is very strange thing about friendship…the moment you let ego come in…you might as well call it quits…but the catch 22 is that all the people sharing the bond need to keep ego aside…even if not at the same point at least in turns…if the burden of doing that is only on one person then that does not work..

Why did I call it catch 22 is because “not letting ego come in” is absolute and not selective…so ideally you should be able to keep it out all the time…but we do not live in the ideal world and are not perfect…