Past...constant or everchanging

the other day i was talking to a friend and the conversation steered on to how the only thing constant is the past...i disagree...

everything we see and experience is through the lens we wear...overtime the lens changes...the colours, the perspective changes...as we move forward our understanding of our past changes and in this sense our past changes...it is fluid and dynamic...even when i look at myself, the events that have happened in my past have taken a different shape over time...my own understanding has enabled that change...

How Long…

Seeing America I don’t think I can fully understand the differences between a developing and a developed nation…people are same everywhere…there are problems and challenges everywhere though their nature might differ…I think that we have developed so fast and our way of life has changed so fast that we haven’t had time to assimilate and understand these changes…we are just being swept by them…again I will quote from Steinbeck’s "Travels with Charley in search of America"..."Humans had perhaps a million years to get used to fire as a thing and as an idea. Between the time a man got his fingers burned on a lightning struck tree until another man carried some inside a cave and found it kept him warm, maybe a hundred thousand years, and from there to the blast furnaces of Detroit – how long?
And now a force was in hand how much more strong, and we hadn’t had time to develop the means to think, for man has to have feelings and then words before he can come close to thought and, in the past at least, that has taken a long time."

Away from here...

There are so many things in the past couple of days that I wanted to write about but lack of time…laziness…and as a result I did not…I am reading a book by Steinbeck "Travels with Charley in search of America"…throughout his journey he saw something common amongst everyone he met, he says "I saw in their eyes something I was to see over and over in every part of the nation – a burning desire to go, to move, to get under way, anyplace, away from any Here."... everyone wanted to move away from something not towards something…I thought a lot about it…because the way I take my decisions is by elimination…I don’t know what I want, so I go about eliminating (out of the choices) the things I don’t want…and whatever is left is what I go with…

Struggle

just finished reading amrita pritam's "the other dimension"...i am just so surprised and awed by it all...whatever she writes goes right through my heart...like when she says "i want to live alone...alone with Imroz..."

its just beautiful...i really feel something lacks in my life...something which i am struggling to understand but it escapes me always...i have a vague idea of the plane i want to reach...but no idea of how to get there...life is going past so quickly and its one struggle after another...my friend says no one told us life would be easy...i know but how do i make sure i do not loose myself in all this struggle...that thought troubles me more then the actual struggle...ironic isn't it...

A persian couplet quoted by Amrita Pritam...

'In the desert the sun is shining on the sand, people see water and run towards it, and they feel disappointed for it is only a mirage. Intelligent people say "Sand is sand, it cannot turn into water," and these intelligent people never make the mistake of thinking that sand is water. But i say-people who don't make this mistake must have something lacking in their thirst.'

Let it be...

i opened this page up and thought i will write something about the past...a conversation that has just been hammering in my head since morning...but now i dont even know what to write...so i guess i will just let it be...

Of past life…

I have always felt that there is a reason for me meeting all the people that I have met in my life…it isn’t a mere coincidence...this belief is just growing stronger over the years…I cant see the reason right now…I mean I can sort of see the immediate effect but not the cosmic reason…and if I can see beyond the day today grind I can see that god has been kind to me…I just hope that all these experiences that I am going through I learn the things that god is trying to teach me…some relations I feel go beyond this life…like a friend I have…since the day I know her I have felt connected with her…I just feel that I was related to her in some past life…do I believe in the circle of life…I don’t know…but I do believe that there is something beyond our understanding…you can call it supernatural, cosmic, god, aum…but there is something over and above us…

I have always felt these things…but right now reading Amrita Pritam I just feel that she has given words to my thoughts…some writers write on a different plane…kamala das, amrita pritam, Lalithambika Antarjanam…they have transcended the conscious and realized parts of subconscious…

As Amrita Pritam writes, “And today, when I see that the door of the superconscious is about to open, then I fall in love with my longing to know, the need for which is so great…”

adieu to the past...

a time comes in life when we have to take a stock of our life...decide what to keep...what to let go...i guess this is one of those moments for me...i cant believe the change in myself when i look at me in the mirror...its like life forcing me to grow up...



so this is to taking stock and growing up...