A witness to our lives…

One of the thoughts that struck a chord…it was a totally forgettable movie with wasted performances from people like Susan Sarandon…Anyways, in the movie there is this wife who after twenty years of marriage feels disconnected from her husband and explains to some the reason for marrying:

"We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Me and writing...

Sitting at the airport, two hours early for my flight, I wanted to write…and just my luck that my laptop ran out of charge … so here I am writing the old fashioned way. The thing about writing on a PC for me (apart from the fact that I can actually read what I have written) is that it’s like telling a third person…blogs do that to you, it’s like writing a book except that you don’t have to be writer…anyways, without digressing…or maybe lemme digress…these past few weeks so many thoughts have crossed my mind…thoughts which I should have penned then, but now all that remains of those thoughts is a lingering feeling of realization…though I quite can’t say what I realized…another thing about me and pen & paper is that I write really slowly so my thoughts far outpace my writing speed…and my hand is always playing a catch up game…

My thoughts...

Its been almost a week now…and I have finally started reading the newspaper, viewing the news channel, reading people’s reactions on blogs and so on…so now I guess I can try writing something…the moment I heard about what was happening I basically blanked out…I know I should have been disgusted…horrified…angry…shocked…but I wasn’t…I just blanked out…the enormity of the whole scene unfolding in front of me…the realization that some action was inevitable was huge…

There are a couple of things I want to say –

The first is the impact of communication and media on our lives…how it has shaped us people…as a society…these days even before things actually happen or unfold…the news is everywhere…on the TV…people calling each other within seconds…instant SMS or email…you know it before you know it…this revolution has completely changed the way we view the world…earlier it took time for news to reach people and then too it was half baked…now we get to know of happenings in minutes and the side effect of this is that we forget happenings within days if not minutes…because some other issue is in front of you before you even realize it…I am not saying the remorse, the anger, the sadness we feel is false…it is just short lived…this “instant” syndrome has ripped us of our ability to internalize…and thus we need to decide for ourselves whether this “instant” news is actually useful or is it just making us more impervious to emotions…

Secondly the impact of consumerism on our lives and the way we live…one of my ex colleagues is helping the economy by buying clothes or is showing solidarity with the Taj employees by eating at the restaurant…ok she is an extreme case…but come to think of it how many of us watched the news glued to TV and ordered a Pizza from “Pizza Hut”…or how many of went about our lives and on a buying spree to stock our houses from floor to ceiling…so how at all are we going to do anything against this “Pak” sponsored “US” sponsored terrorism when our day to day lives is so dependent on what US feeds us…when we can’t take a day off because we work in the US companies or companies that work with US companies…that’s not how Non-Cooperation movement got results…

Before we start blaming the world…and in this case they are rightly blamed…the politicians, the policymakers, the ministers…but before we start blaming them I think it’s time for us to look at ourselves…to see if we can stop ourselves from being soft targets…to see if we can be more self-sustainable and not give in to the consumerism surrounding us…

Unreasonable Expectation...

I am feeling so “something” that I just had to write and hopefully get it out of my system. But the thing is I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes people take such moral high ground in life and it’s just not even moral, its philosophical, experiential, practical…everything…maybe they have done it all and seen it all… maybe they have every reason in the world to take that high ground but the fact is no one has the right to do that…and the fact is that you care about them too much to go and fight with them over it…but in the process they end up walking all over you…making judgments…stereotyping…deciding what will make you succeed and not succeed in life…who decides that the way you are living your life is best and optimal…that your reactions are best or worst for that matter…that only if you figure out this or that you will forever be happy…I personally don’t really agree with the way so many people close to me live their lives…but it’s their lives…at best I can express my opinion…do I have a right to force them to change…I don’t think so…for all I know what I think about the way life should be lived is all wrong…the only fact that’s probably true in all this is that I care so much about that person that whatever I say will be with his\her best interests in mind…but still do I have the right to sit on judgment…I don’t think so…

Another tricky thing is expectation…what’s the thin line between expecting and not expecting…I do know you are most happy when you don’t have an expectation from anyone…not even yourself…or so the sages say…but is that actually true…how do you get close to people otherwise…there would at least be a least set of expectations…for e.g. you will expect your partner to take care of you in sickness or health…or be there for you…if you don’t even have this minimal expectation then what’s the point of having someone share your life…from your friends you will expect that they will be supportive of you no matter what you do…not try to change you but be there even if what you are doing doesn’t make sense to them…is this too high an expectation…and if it is then why don’t we make a list of expectations which are acceptable…no confusion in life after that…it’s ok to expect your friends to be there for you when you are sick but it’s not ok to expect your friends to be there for you when it’s your birthday…like when Carrie calls up Miranda in “Sex and the City” (when she is just about to go and meet Mr. Big again inspite of the fact that he broke her heart) and says something like…though I know what I am doing is the worst thing in the world and I will end up an emotional wreck, but I have to do this and I can only do it if I know you are there for me when I am a wreck…

Free will...

So in “Bruce Almighty”, God tells Bruce that he can do everything except alter or influence the free will…we can’t do that…we can’t make anyone fall in love…we can’t make anyone care…we can’t stop someone from leaving or someone from staying for that matter…

I wish I was a writer, singer, dancer, painter… (in that order…I think…)

Simply Romantic...

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile

He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

Carrie's Poem...Sex and the city...

Answers...

Sometimes it becomes so important to find answers...something that you can cling onto...or something that would make some sense...life's normally not so much about answers as it is about the journey...because you don't really know if you will get to the answers but the journey is what makes you - you...but i am struggling right now...but i still cant make head and tails of things...and i need to put some semblance of order in my life...