Tum Pukar Lo...

Tum pukar lo, tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo
Khwaab chun rahi hai raat beqarar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo
Honth pe liye hue dil ki baat ham
Jaagte rahenge aur kitni raat ham
Muqtasar si baat hai tum se pyaar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo

Dil bahal to jaayega is khayal se
Haal mil gaya tumhara apne haal se
Raat ye qaraar ki beqarar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai...

My new writing desk…

I am a proud owner of a writing desk :) It’s not huge or new. In fact it is this compact thing, really old styled just enough for me to keep my laptop on and work. It’s terrific and I love it. Having never owned a writing desk all for myself earlier, I am smiling from ear to ear for this one.
So that’s what has brought cheer to my week. That and chants that I repeat to myself a dozen times a day – “This too shall pass”…Its only temporary, this state of being actually not the state of being but the demons in my head…sometimes I wonder should I be so self critical and self analytical…I mean I know there is a completely different world inside my head but does that I mean I blame everything on that…my world is my perception of reality just like everyone else’s…

Let me for once stop justifying things around me with my reality… let’s give the demons some rest…for the time being till they come back and devour me…

The root cause of it all – the sense of being abandoned that I live with day and night. In spite of all the philosophy I have read, all my experiences, all my understanding of the self and the other, this feeling forms the basis of all my other feelings and I mean all. And I don’t think there is any way I can get rid of it. It’s too much a part of me. But what hopefully I should be able to do over years is detach myself from it for small intervals…and hopefully over time those intervals will start getting bigger. (Of course it would be helpful if I find kindred souls along the way, who understand my state of being who are empathetic…but I am doubtful at least till the time I learn to empathetic)

When I started writing, I had a list of things I wanted to write about, but having written what I have written, I don’t think there is any point in writing anything else – all else is just rants and cribs and cries for attention…

So here’s “To longer intervals”…

Festivities...

So festive season is in again...I normally love this time of the year especially if you are in the northern part of the country...its winter mist, lights, crackers, sweets and good food...love it all...as if there is warmth in the air...

But this year...it all seems subdued...well i guess it begins with being in the wrong part of the country followed by a trail of other wrongs...

Home...

The place I stay is home...not Delhi, Mumbai or any city around the world...the city I live in currently is the city which is a part of my consciousness and is home :)

Nights of Cabiria...

Can there be a movie more innocent then this? Can any actress act a part with so much honesty as Giulietta Masina playing Cabiria?

Words cannot do justice to describe the way Fellini and Masina have captured the soul of Cabiria in this master piece. The beautiful, innocent Cabiria…through all the façade that Cabiria presents in the movie, you get glimpses of her actual self, be it the pure enchantment with which she touches the face of a famous actor who picks her up from in front of a restaurant, or when she breaks down in front of Virgin Mary asking her to bestow her grace on her…or when she talks to an imaginary lover under a trance… or when she goes for confession to Father Giovani, even sometimes when she is with Oscar, the man she thinks loves her. Her childlike innocence radiates out of face and fills your heart.

Sometimes I wonder, could Masina ever be herself after being Cabiria. Of all his characters, Fellini once said, Cabiria was the only one he was still worried about.

Every time I watch this movie my heart weeps knowing what awaits Cabiria. But still I watch…just to see her get up after Oscar vanishes with her money…just to see her smile in the closing sequence. It’s as if God is smiling through her.

Friends...

I am not a group person...I can barely manage to interact in a group...I rather like to sit quitely and observe people...Its always a stretch for me to be extremely social...

But friends...thats completely different...I love my friends and believe in them...I always think they deserve the best and they are the best...and there are times when what they say\don't say hurts me a lot...but still for me thats always temporary...i always go back to being with them because I love them...but off late I have noticed thats its just me running after these relationships...it doesnt matter to them if I am a part of their lives or not...

So I have decided....to stop running...no matter how much it hurts...at the end of the day its "Free Will"...

My Song...

Lots of posts I want to write about - travels, my element, water, blogs and so on. But this one is dedicated to the song that is me...

"Moon River"

(music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Johnny Mercer, sung by the most beautiful Audrey Hepburn)

Moon River, wider than a mile,

I'm crossing you in style some day.

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,

wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world.

There's such a lot of world to see.

We're after the same rainbow's end--

waiting 'round the bend,

my huckleberry friend,

Moon River and me.