...

Life has become too tough...I want a break...

Not for family viewing...

So I had some problem with my car recently. Particularly there was some noise in the gear box especially in the first two gears. When I gave my car of servicing last week I particularly told the mechanic the problem and he assured me that he would look into it. When he returned my car and I asked him he said there was a lot of dust which had accumulated in the gear box which was causing the problem and they had fixed it now. A couple of days ago I again heard the noise and called the service station. The mechanic has the cheek to tell me –
1. Such noise comes sometimes

2. You must not have pressed the clutch properly

The bloody bastard assholes motherfuckers that (most) men are think that no woman in the world can tell what’s wrong with a bloody car and they can get all condescending.

Even after living for thirty years I can’t for the love of my life decipher such baseless arrogance that a bloody second class pass mechanic, a man, can dish out to me when rest assured I will know more about a car’s mechanism then he will ever in his stinking futile moronic life.

Jhootha hi sahi...

Currently tripping on...

Mujhe chhod do
Mujhe thaam lo
Kho jaane do
Mera naam lo
Sab theek hai
Ho jayega….

........

Mujhse zara baatein karo
Halki zara raatein karo

........
 
ek dost ka chehra
ya phir naquaab do na....

Yay...

Off to my fave city during Diwali and yes it is Delhi...inspite of all odds I just love Delhi at Diwali time...its just so festive...all the lights, sweets and even crackers...its all to die for... and i am going to Delhi for Diwali i think after almost 7 years :)

Sometimes i wish life would give me a second chance...so that i can have with me all the people i love and i could say to them...

तुम्ही से हैं मेरी नींदे

ना भी हो तो क्या

तुम्ही से हैं मेरी  बातें

ना भी हो तो क्या

कहने दो तारों को कहानी अनकही

ना जा अभी...  

(Euphoria)

Tum Pukar Lo...

Tum pukar lo, tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo
Khwaab chun rahi hai raat beqarar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo
Honth pe liye hue dil ki baat ham
Jaagte rahenge aur kitni raat ham
Muqtasar si baat hai tum se pyaar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukar lo

Dil bahal to jaayega is khayal se
Haal mil gaya tumhara apne haal se
Raat ye qaraar ki beqarar hai
Tumhara intezaar hai...

My new writing desk…

I am a proud owner of a writing desk :) It’s not huge or new. In fact it is this compact thing, really old styled just enough for me to keep my laptop on and work. It’s terrific and I love it. Having never owned a writing desk all for myself earlier, I am smiling from ear to ear for this one.
So that’s what has brought cheer to my week. That and chants that I repeat to myself a dozen times a day – “This too shall pass”…Its only temporary, this state of being actually not the state of being but the demons in my head…sometimes I wonder should I be so self critical and self analytical…I mean I know there is a completely different world inside my head but does that I mean I blame everything on that…my world is my perception of reality just like everyone else’s…

Let me for once stop justifying things around me with my reality… let’s give the demons some rest…for the time being till they come back and devour me…

The root cause of it all – the sense of being abandoned that I live with day and night. In spite of all the philosophy I have read, all my experiences, all my understanding of the self and the other, this feeling forms the basis of all my other feelings and I mean all. And I don’t think there is any way I can get rid of it. It’s too much a part of me. But what hopefully I should be able to do over years is detach myself from it for small intervals…and hopefully over time those intervals will start getting bigger. (Of course it would be helpful if I find kindred souls along the way, who understand my state of being who are empathetic…but I am doubtful at least till the time I learn to empathetic)

When I started writing, I had a list of things I wanted to write about, but having written what I have written, I don’t think there is any point in writing anything else – all else is just rants and cribs and cries for attention…

So here’s “To longer intervals”…

Festivities...

So festive season is in again...I normally love this time of the year especially if you are in the northern part of the country...its winter mist, lights, crackers, sweets and good food...love it all...as if there is warmth in the air...

But this year...it all seems subdued...well i guess it begins with being in the wrong part of the country followed by a trail of other wrongs...