सफेद इन्द्राधनुष...

कितने दिनो से सोच रहीं हूँ की कुछ लिखूं...एक सपना जो एक रात को देखा था और जो मेरे ज़हन पे एक तस्वीर छोड़ गया...शायद अगर में कलाकार होती तो इस सपने को रेखाओं में खीच कर एक कॅन्वस में उत्तार देती... शायद शब्दों में वो सपना गुम ना हो जाए...कोशिश करती हूँ

मैनें देखा एक मिट्टी के मटकी रखी है...और उसमे इन्द्राधनुष के रंग भरे हैं...मैं उस मटकी के पास एक सफेद रंग की सारी पहने खड़ी हून...और मेने अपने सारी के पल्लू को उस मटकी में डोबोया...पल्लू मटकी से बाहर निकाला तो देखा की पल्लू अभी भी सफेद है...मैं परेशान होकर पल्लू ज़ोर से ज़टकने लगती हून और देखती हून कि रंगों की बूँदें पल्लू में से गिर रहीं हैं पर मेरी सारी का पल्लू अभी भी सफेद है...

ज़िंदगी जी लेते बस...

कभी कभी लगता है
ज़िंदगी जी लेते बस
गर्म गर्म शाख पर
पत्ते पिरों लेते बस
ठंडी नीली ल़हेरॉं पर
चाँद सूखा लेते बस
कभी कभी लगता है
ज़िंदगी जी लेते बस...

Catch 22...

There is very strange thing about friendship…the moment you let ego come in…you might as well call it quits…but the catch 22 is that all the people sharing the bond need to keep ego aside…even if not at the same point at least in turns…if the burden of doing that is only on one person then that does not work..

Why did I call it catch 22 is because “not letting ego come in” is absolute and not selective…so ideally you should be able to keep it out all the time…but we do not live in the ideal world and are not perfect…

When things go wrong...

Since nothing else is working I thought this might help. Listing down all the things not going my way which is giving me that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach:

1. My close friend for past couple of years just flipped over suddenly one day (just like A) and I have to internalize \ externalize \ rationalize \ make sense of it and live with it. Why such confusion in life? She is not my boyfriend or girlfriend…the fact is that I seriously believe in the concept that you need an anchor in life…someone you can always go back to…someone whom you know would always be there no matter what…be it parents or siblings or family or friends…and I seriously believed P was my anchor…and now it just hurts beyond measure to realize that it’s not so…

2. My job – not going anywhere, I keep on comparing myself to people and when I know there is no point…immensely dissatisfied and no faith or hope for the future

3. My recent accident just shook me completely – I realized that there not a single soul in the city I live in who will come to be with me not because I need it or because I have asked but just because I can do with some company…dealing with everything all alone…I know I can and I don’t need anyone to help me out here…but the realization that there is nobody hurts more than anything else…it’s a feeling of loneliness and a feeling that you are completely exposed is just too overwhelming

4. My sister is getting married…now why is that a sad thing…it just brought a contradiction and a hypocrisy in my parents character that’s I am just not able to take…so much so that it’s a humongous effort to even talk to my mom these days whom I love immensely…and try as hard as I might I have just lost all faith…

I don’t know what I am looking for here…I was hoping penning it down would be cathartic or maybe I was looking for some understanding from people who read it…I don’t know…

Spiral downwards…

I know I won’t do it but the temptation is great…sometimes it just seems like a chore to even open your eyes in the morning…in spite of doing everything I feel there is so much negative vibes in this house that it just does not feel comfortable any more…it’s such a shame when good relations go down the drain…maybe the expectations are too many or the communication is not enough…whatever be the reason…

The Truth is out...

Was reading New York Times today and picked up this quote:

“Fact is that this is a terrible way to make a living — except for the money,” Ken Miller, a former vice chairman at Credit Suisse First Boston and now a private investor, said. “The lifestyle is terrible — the hours, the sucking up. These guys must feel like they’re the victims of a capricious god.”

And I felt like saying, yippee! finally the truth is out…not that people didn’t know it earlier but no one had the @#$% guts to say anything…until now…

Rated below RNBDJ :(

I dont have time for you till my exams...

Got the hint...time to let go...