Unreasonable Expectation...

I am feeling so “something” that I just had to write and hopefully get it out of my system. But the thing is I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes people take such moral high ground in life and it’s just not even moral, its philosophical, experiential, practical…everything…maybe they have done it all and seen it all… maybe they have every reason in the world to take that high ground but the fact is no one has the right to do that…and the fact is that you care about them too much to go and fight with them over it…but in the process they end up walking all over you…making judgments…stereotyping…deciding what will make you succeed and not succeed in life…who decides that the way you are living your life is best and optimal…that your reactions are best or worst for that matter…that only if you figure out this or that you will forever be happy…I personally don’t really agree with the way so many people close to me live their lives…but it’s their lives…at best I can express my opinion…do I have a right to force them to change…I don’t think so…for all I know what I think about the way life should be lived is all wrong…the only fact that’s probably true in all this is that I care so much about that person that whatever I say will be with his\her best interests in mind…but still do I have the right to sit on judgment…I don’t think so…

Another tricky thing is expectation…what’s the thin line between expecting and not expecting…I do know you are most happy when you don’t have an expectation from anyone…not even yourself…or so the sages say…but is that actually true…how do you get close to people otherwise…there would at least be a least set of expectations…for e.g. you will expect your partner to take care of you in sickness or health…or be there for you…if you don’t even have this minimal expectation then what’s the point of having someone share your life…from your friends you will expect that they will be supportive of you no matter what you do…not try to change you but be there even if what you are doing doesn’t make sense to them…is this too high an expectation…and if it is then why don’t we make a list of expectations which are acceptable…no confusion in life after that…it’s ok to expect your friends to be there for you when you are sick but it’s not ok to expect your friends to be there for you when it’s your birthday…like when Carrie calls up Miranda in “Sex and the City” (when she is just about to go and meet Mr. Big again inspite of the fact that he broke her heart) and says something like…though I know what I am doing is the worst thing in the world and I will end up an emotional wreck, but I have to do this and I can only do it if I know you are there for me when I am a wreck…

Free will...

So in “Bruce Almighty”, God tells Bruce that he can do everything except alter or influence the free will…we can’t do that…we can’t make anyone fall in love…we can’t make anyone care…we can’t stop someone from leaving or someone from staying for that matter…

I wish I was a writer, singer, dancer, painter… (in that order…I think…)

Simply Romantic...

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile

He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

Carrie's Poem...Sex and the city...

Answers...

Sometimes it becomes so important to find answers...something that you can cling onto...or something that would make some sense...life's normally not so much about answers as it is about the journey...because you don't really know if you will get to the answers but the journey is what makes you - you...but i am struggling right now...but i still cant make head and tails of things...and i need to put some semblance of order in my life...

Faith...

After the fiasco that happened I still expect him to come for me…to come here just to see me…after all this I still have faith in him…I still have an almost idiotic childlike faith…even after seeing how untrustworthy people are…like my friend says I have to grow up…but what if this is the basis of who I am…how do I change that except to be prepared for the heartache that follows after trusting people…

Sad Sad Day...

I am really sad and there’s this sinking feeling which is just horrible…which makes you feel like hiding yourself under layers of blanket in a place no one can get to ever…and its forever dark and you don’t ever see the light…

Objectivity...

All of a sudden I want to write something…is it possibly to be completely honest with self…that would mean not lying or trying to rationalize…brutal truth about yourself…things and people in your life…is that at all possible…are we capable…capable enough…

I have always believed in complete honesty to myself…but I have my doubts…a part of it could be ignorance…but I am too pompous to believe that I am ignorant especially about my own feelings…then am I biased…not objective…and how would you define objectivity in this case…considering the fact that that the sick and the healer are one and the same person…is it possible to be absolutely objective…Amartya Sen says that the identity we assume at any given moment decides our world view at that moment…is it possible to have different identities but the same world view…or alternatively is it possible to be absolutely objective but have different world views…that’s conflicting because absolutely means “one”…

Even if I could keep my feelings and emotions aside could be a third person viewing myself…what world view would that third person assume to bring in objectivity…