Faith...

After the fiasco that happened I still expect him to come for me…to come here just to see me…after all this I still have faith in him…I still have an almost idiotic childlike faith…even after seeing how untrustworthy people are…like my friend says I have to grow up…but what if this is the basis of who I am…how do I change that except to be prepared for the heartache that follows after trusting people…

Sad Sad Day...

I am really sad and there’s this sinking feeling which is just horrible…which makes you feel like hiding yourself under layers of blanket in a place no one can get to ever…and its forever dark and you don’t ever see the light…

Objectivity...

All of a sudden I want to write something…is it possibly to be completely honest with self…that would mean not lying or trying to rationalize…brutal truth about yourself…things and people in your life…is that at all possible…are we capable…capable enough…

I have always believed in complete honesty to myself…but I have my doubts…a part of it could be ignorance…but I am too pompous to believe that I am ignorant especially about my own feelings…then am I biased…not objective…and how would you define objectivity in this case…considering the fact that that the sick and the healer are one and the same person…is it possible to be absolutely objective…Amartya Sen says that the identity we assume at any given moment decides our world view at that moment…is it possible to have different identities but the same world view…or alternatively is it possible to be absolutely objective but have different world views…that’s conflicting because absolutely means “one”…

Even if I could keep my feelings and emotions aside could be a third person viewing myself…what world view would that third person assume to bring in objectivity…

I am an idiot...

Technically I have been more depressed…technically I have gone through this before…and that’s why I am a fool to be doing this again…

Trust…faith…believe is all so relative…I don’t trust my decision to trust…

Sangam, Mekedatu & Chunchi Falls

I have to start recording my travels before I start forgetting them…there’s something about travelling…it takes you away from reality, from situations, from circumstances, it’s an escape which humbles you…and that’s why I love to travel especially on road…driving to places unknown…and I don’t like the kind of travel where you have talk or play loud music or get drunk…I just like to be quite…not think about anything at all…travelling where the journey itself is everything…the destination is just incidental…

And so the four of us decided to take a break from the routine, mundane, dreary lives we live and head for this place called “Mekedatu” (means Goat’s Leap in Kannada)…around 95 Kms from Bangalore via Kanakapura…we weren’t as well planned as we are for most of our journey’s…it was mostly impromptu…since Friday night we ended up watching “The Dark Knight” it was almost 2:00 AM by the time we slept…so we decided to take it easy and have a lazy Saturday morning so much so that by the time we left it was almost 11:30 AM…not much traffic on the road and in no time we were out of the city and onto the main NH209 from Bangalore towards Kanakapura…the weather was ideal for the journey…mild sun, lovely breeze and a hint of rain on the horizon…the weather in which trees look greener and the colors more vibrant then usual…

For me the drive is always the best part of the journey…its probably what people call meditating…when you are not thinking of anything…you are your relaxed best…and you just are blissfully unaware of the chaos around…during the journey you have left the world behind you with all its problems and you haven’t yet arrived at the destination where there’s uncertainty…it’s just perfect…in this case the drive was even better…we passed small ponds and fields…picturesque villages with perfect red brick houses where could see people sitting together watching the world go by…kids playing and waving to you as you drive past…you can feel the romanticism in the rustic countryside…the short drive through the ghats is beautiful and if you are careful you can see some beautiful birds along the way…

The road is a fairly straight road with no major turns…it was only past lunch time when we reached “Mekedatu” and realized its right next to “Galibore Fishing Camp”…so the place you reach is called “Sangam” where the rivers Arkavati, Kaveri and a mythical river meet…we parked our car near the bank got down not quite sure what to do next…now, to reach mekedatu we had to cross the sangam… unlike what we had read on the net, there weren’t any corokkals…and I was quite apprehensive…none of us knew how to swim and the water looked quite deep with some small rapids…But J was quite sure that we could cross it…and then it would be a waste not to…so we formed a human chain with J and her stick leading the way followed by D, me and P…the water was the right temperature and you could feel the current…mostly the depth was ok but at some places the water did come up to almost my waist…we managed to cross the river without any eventualities or meeting any stray crocs (yup that’s what the guide says)…now the place we needed to go to was around 4-5 Kms from Sangam…a trek would have been perfect…but we realized that we didn’t have that much time so we decide to hire a jeep…it’s a small path up and the driver was quite skillful…and before I forget we saw a few foxes on the way…I don’t think I have seen a fox before in my life…too bad I didn’t have a camera to take a picture…

when you reach the place nothing quite prepares you for what you see…it’s a beautiful gorge through which Kaveri flows…the stones are so perfectly eroded…beautiful crevices and edges…and its greenery all around…the place is breathtakingly beautiful and serene…you climb down and then climb any of the rocks you can reach…you look at it and think that there has to be something bigger than the world…larger than life…a force we can’t quite comprehend that did this…you almost crawl to the edge of the rocks to get a good look at the river and the rapids and once there you just don’t want to budge… it’s a sublime experience…

we could have sat there forever but the time tied us down and we had to go back…the jeep ride and wading through the sangam…and we were back driving through the ghats…its then we decided to go to the "Chunchi Falls"…a turn from NH 209 and you are in the middle of nowhere…the road is surprisingly good and passes through a few quaint villages…the drive is sheer pleasure…once you reach the falls you aren’t quite sure as to what you are about to see…there was no roar of water so characteristic of a waterfall…I almost thought we should go back…but we decided to trek down having come this far…and it was worth it…the falls themselves are small and not at all majestic…but the whole view was quite scenic so much so that once there you don’t quite want to leave…its straight out of a painting…infact I could imagine the whole landscape in a Van Gogh painting with passionate brush strokes and the vibrant colors…if only I could paint :)

the drive back was almost uneventful except for the last leg…but that’s a story for another day…

Ajmer

Ajmer…a town which always amazes me…every time I go there I see a different side to it…probably because going there is a strange mix of memories from the past and present…every time I go there its after a gap of more than a couple of years…and so in my mind the past and present mingle and the emotions I feel are so mixed that at times I don’t really know if they stem from today or from some experience way back in the past…

We reached Ajmer only in the wee hours of the morning…no one knew we were coming and so it was a surprise seeing the kids knocking the door at 4:00 am in the morning…and of course things had to start with a cup of tea…every time I go to Ajmer my relationship with everyone is different…probably because I have grown up between each visit and thus the equation changes…my association with Ajmer is very strange…there is no place to which I feel emotionally attached or rooted to…though I was born and brought up in Delhi…I just hate the place…it’s not a place I want to be associated with…thus Ajmer is as close as it gets…and also because I have all happy memories of that place…it just feels strangely familiar…

Week like a rollercoaster ride...

The week past was one rollercoaster ride for me…I don’t changed even know how many miles I travelled or the hours for that matter…from b’lore to Mumbai to jaipur to Ajmer to jaipur to Delhi and now back to b’lore…more than the travel it’s the pace at which my world changed…I left Bangalore not because I was bored or feeling lonely in the huge house now that my friend is not there but because I wanted to get away from my work and the people there…I just couldn’t take it anymore…the aloofness, the loneliness, the mockery of the world around was just too much…I just could not bear to be with those people any more…it was suffocating me…I wanted to run away and that’s what I did…to Mumbai…to a place which is a perfect home from my pov…it’s so full of warmth and affection…I am quite sure everyone who enters that place can feel it…and it’s not a coincident that it’s that way because of two (almost) perfect people living there…there’s so much of “apnapan” there that I just feel happy just being there…the fact that I get pampered and looked after notwithstanding ;)

The first part of my journey was like coming home…when you are at a place where you don’t have to put on any mask…I am absolutely myself even when around people (the only other person with whom I am this open is my friend in b’lore)…we had endless cups of teas…movies & matches…I was slightly restless though…probably because I hadn’t been out in some time now…and then my cousin decided to go to Ajmer…I was very excited…I haven’t been there for past six years and so I was slightly apprehensive as well…didn’t know how everyone would take it…but then I knew my cousin was there to rescue me if required :) …so with that we started on our journey to Ajmer via jaipur…the weather was perfect and so was the company…G is a great person in spite of his comments and slightly boyish attitude…but that’s just the age…he is basically a very simple and nice person…though we keep on having our tiffs…and my cousin…I have always associated with a burst of colors…a palette which will have all the colors but you never know which color will come when you dip your brush in it…unpredictable and full of life…you cannot but be in awe of her…

And so we reached Ajmer and it all my apprehensions turned out to be completely unfounded…my aunts have the knack of making anyone feel loved and welcomed…

...to be continued...